GET A LIFE!

1. Do you have one particular philosophy that you intentionally strive to live by? Do you ever consider going in a different direction and adopting a different life philosophy?

2. Do you agree with Alan that this is the best time in human history to be alive? Do you think that Alan means this only in terms of medical treatments and an abundance of material goods and entertainment? (acknowledges paragraphs later how prevalent feelings of isolation and emptiness are in modern society)

3. Can secular philosophies provide an equally compelling and powerful direction for living as religious doctrines do when it comes to morals, meaning, and purpose?

4. Do you agree with Alan that an unexamined life is worth living?

5. Alan states that our happiness depends on our genetic predisposition to happiness (which we’re stuck with) and our attitude and actions (theoretically which we can change). How often are you able to adjust your attitude and increase your feelings of happiness when you are in a terrible mood? What helps you change your attitude?

6. Does it feel a bit hopeless when we are told about hedonic adaptation and the tendency to revert to our baselines level of happiness? Is there anything that can help us break free from this cycle?

7. Do you take comfort in the idea that your identity is an illusion or is this discomforting?

8. What does it mean to live a simple life? Is this something you strive for?

9. What do you think of the Buddhist idea of loving without clinging? Do you prefer this idea or do you prefer Romeo and Juliet?

10. The percentage of Americans who reported having no close friendships at all quadrupled from 1990 to 2021. What is causing this? Did you have more close friendships in the past than you do now? Do you have many friends who would have your back at the drop of a hat?

11. Alan references research that shows a marriage-based family structure (not necessarily including high-conflict married families) and partner stability improve the wellbeing of children. Why is marriage on the decline, and what can be done to rectify this?

12. What rituals and traditions are important to you? Do you stay committed to them?

13. Do our identities (politically and otherwise) stifle our ability to engage with nuanced ideas? Do you ever attempt to let go of categories and embrace Dudeism (or Daoism)?

14. What do you think of the idea that if we throw away holiness and wisdom, people will be a hundred times happier – and if we throw away morality and justice, people will do the right thing?

15. How skilled are you in abstaining from judgment, anger, annoyance, resentment, and contempt? What has helped you make progress in emptying your mind of judgments?

16. Alan describes ideologies as artificially constructed perspectives that attempt to force a grand order of things upon humanity. Are you able to maintain skepticism towards all ideologies? Do people’s natural values and conduct become corrupted trying to fit into a system? Could this become the case if you try to fit into one of the systems/philosophies laid out in this book?

17. Could the attempt to adopt one of the philosophies described in this book be another attempt to control the uncontrollable? Or from another lens, how might it be helpful to make an attempt to adopt one of the philosophies of the book and stick with it?

18. Do you loathe uncertainty? How have you been able to train your brain to be comfortable in chaos?

19. Have you been able to find a balance between acting rashly and overthinking?

20. Alan mentions studies which show a causal relationship between a conscious effort to seek happiness and a lower feeling of satisfaction? Do you think this is mostly about unrealistic expectations and perfectionism, or do you imagine that this also includes reading a philosophy book in the attempt to find a philosophy to help you live a better life?

21. Alan mentions that we only have a small circle of friends who deserve our unwavering attention, gratitude, and protection. He also mentions the 150 number with regard to how many people we can truly have stable social relationship with. Putting aside that this number might be increasingly debatable in modern times, do you think these ideas impact the potency of secular humanism as a philosophy? In other words, is there something potentially inauthentic and unnatural in the attempt to care about billions of people simultaneously?

22. How do you avoid your emotions overtaking reason when you make mistakes? How do you avoid an uncontrolled downward spiral?

23. Are you comforted by the idea that things could be worse? Does this idea help you maintain gratitude and not take the good things in your life for granted?

24. Alan talks about fate and how torturing ourselves with an alternate impossibility (as well as desiring an impossible future) makes little sense if our lives are preordained. However, does this become circular in some sense as it would be equally absurd to want to not torture ourselves about alternate impossibilities since we are equally fated to do so? Is it possible to have a coherent life philosophy rooted in the idea of a life that is completely dictated by fate? And if not, ought we attempt to see the world from a free will perspective?

25. Do you try to live with a perspective of valuing moderation, or do you like extremes?

26. Do you agree with stoics when it comes to the idea that anger should be avoided entirely? (Study after study shoes that expressing anger does not reduce aggressive tendencies and likely makes it worse.) What helps you cope with anger? Does humor help? Focusing on the cosmic insignificance of your predicament? How about forcing a smile?

27. How have you avoided wallowing in grief? What do you think of the fact that some studies show that a proactive approach to providing emotional support to people immediately after a traumatic event can make PTSD symptoms worse?

28. How do you balance present gratification with future consequences? How do you work simultaneously on minimizing your suffering for both your present and future self?

29. Alan mentions that people are prone to overestimating the probability of rare events and giving them too much weight in their decision-making. Does this apply to your decision-making?

30. Existentialists tend to reject the existence of objective knowledge, arguing it is always conditional on an individual’s perspective and interpretation. Alan explains that this does not mean that all perspectives and interpretations are equally valid with an example being that one person’s take on Romeo and Juliet as a lighthearted comedy is less defensible than the consensus view of the tragedy. However, is this objectively true or another conditional perspective and interpretation? Does the rejection of objective knowledge ultimately cave in on itself as the claim itself that all knowledge is subjective must also fall under the category of a subjective perspective? In turn, is it almost necessary to agree on certain objective truths in order to have a meaningful conversation? Are conversations often absurd and unfulfilling with those who can not agree with us on certain fundamental truths?

31. Alan notes that our actions are credited to abstract notions of principles only after the fact. Is that what we are doing when we try to adopt some sort of consistent life philosophy, a way to justify our already existing perspectives and behaviors?

32. Is the right choice any choice that you make for yourself and take responsibility for? What does it mean to take responsibility for your choices? Are you able to recognize times when you have not taken responsibility for your choices? How do you determine if you are making choices from a place of authenticity?

33. Alan states that even the most indecisive amongst us would choose agency over being a patch of moss. He says, “Consequential choices are the zest of human life.” Do you agree with this sentiment, and do you think this is why people often become prickly when confronted with the idea of fate/determinism?

34. Do people long for meaning and purpose in large part because they long for a good story? Are the concepts of meaning and purpose the same as creating a good story?

35. What do you think of Alan’s statement that “telling the aimless to choose one’s purpose is like telling a depressed person to choose happiness”? If this is accurate, why do we keep saying this dumb shit to each other? (“Choose a purpose. Choose happiness.”)

36. Do you think it’s true that forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation?

37. What do you think of the secular humanist idea that goodness not only can be independent from God, but is must be (defining something as good solely because an authority deems it so debases its very meaning)? When feeding a hungry child, which source of good is more meaningful – a directive from a superior or an innate impulse to help?

38. Does maintaining the peace among many outweigh the freedom of expression of one? Is torturing one person justified in the name of saving the lives of many people? What if one person’s rights conflicts with another’s? Are any rights absolute?

39. Alan explains that philosophies of life attempt to answer impossible questions. He encourages us to choose a story that’s right for us, one that inspires, motivates, and comforts us through the highest of highs and lowest of lows – a subjective, personal truth that lets us sleep at night. Is this similar to the way that many people utilize religion in the sense of adopting a narrative that is comforting? Is it possible to adopt a philosophy or a religion that helps us sleep at night if we don’t somehow forget the idea that it’s more or less a subjective coping tool as opposed to something we see as a deeper truth?

40. Are you willing to go all-in on a new philosophy, or do you notice yourself feeling reluctant towards this idea?