Maybe You Should Talk To Someone​

1. Is it impossible to get to know people deeply and not come to like them? If so, how can this idea be applied in your day-to-day life?

2. Do you fear change? How have you addressed and overcome this fear? Do you procrastinate of self-sabotage to stave off change due to reluctance to give up something without knowing what you’ll get in its place?

3. What do you hope to accomplish when you go to see a therapist?

4. Do you feel that you give your therapist the full story, or is your therapist missing out on the other half of the story of whoever you might be talking about?

5. Is perfect the enemy of the good? If so, how do you overcome the desire for perfection?

6. Do you agree that big transformations come about from the hundreds of tiny steps we take along the way? Do you struggle with maintaining the patience required to allow this transformation to take place?

7. Do you hide a lot from your therapist?

8. Do you want your therapist to like and admire you? Do you secretly wish that you were your therapist’s only patient or at least the favorite/most beloved?

9. Does recognizing that your therapist is a flawed human (just like you) bother you in some way?

10. Would you make a good therapist? Why or why not?

11. Do you agree with the idea that there is a difference between pain and suffering, that everyone feels pain at times “but you don’t have to suffer so much” – that we do not choose the pain but we choose the suffering?

12. How often do you judge your feelings? Are you often afraid of acknowledging whatever you are feeling?

13. Has it been difficult for you to accept living a life that hasn’t gone exactly as planned?

14. Is “I understand you” sometimes more meaningful than “I love you”?

15. Have you learned how other people might be perceiving you through understanding how your therapist is experiencing you during sessions?

16. What are you most afraid of?

17. Does happiness stem not from how well things go but whether things go better than expected?

18. Are you aware of what causes your destructive behaviors? What emotional void might you be attempting to fill?

19. What does it mean to find peace? Is it to be in a place without noise, trouble, or hard work? Is it to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart?

20. Have you been able to let go of the limiting stories you’ve told yourself about who you are so that you aren’t trapped by them – so you can live your life and not the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life?

21. Could you relate to the idea of being in a prison but that if you look to the right and left, there are no bars? Do you imprison yourself with a narrative of self-punishment, looking more for evidence for why you are unlovable rather than the evidence for why you are lovable?

22. Have you found it difficult to translate insight gained in therapy (or in book club) to enacting change when you’re out in the world?

23. Are you aware of how you spend your time?

24. Are you a good decision maker?

25. Is understanding that life is “not supposed to be fair” a helpful idea to keep in mind?

26. Do you sometimes want your therapists or others to make decisions for you? What are the consequences of this?

27. Are you able to tell when you’re making a decision based on fear or love? Are all decisions based on fear and love?

28. Is there wisdom in the hairstylist’s life philosophy of “just be” (being happier if not trying to change things, gives exact same haircut but clients love it as long as they think it’s something different than the last time)?

29. Do you look for speedy solutions too often when your mood might driven down in the first place by the hurried pace of your life? Do you try to cram too much in rather than relaxing and connecting with friends or family?

30. How do you live differently when you are reminded of your limited time being alive?

31. Do you struggle with the inevitable uncertainty of life? Have you learned how to deal with in an effective way? Are you tormented by the not knowing of something?

32. How have you dealt with poor choices, regrets about the past, or failure to accomplish important goals?

33. Can you have compassion without forgiving? Is it sometimes okay to not forgive?

34. How do you feel when someone tells you that everything happens for a reason? Do platitudes make a terrible circumstance more palatable for the person saying the words while leaving the person experiencing the adversity feeling angry and alone?

35. Does dancing help you get to a new level of awareness? Would you ever dance with your therapist?

36. Do you recognize the ways in which seemingly trivial worries may be manifestations of deeper ones?

37. Do you agree with the idea that there is no hierarchy of pain and that suffering should not be ranked, because pain is not a contest? If you do agree, how often do you forget this?

38. Has a therapist (or anyone) ever implemented paradoxical intervention with you – telling you not to do what you’re already not doing? What was the result of this?

39. Do you tend to remember experiences based on how they end? What has your last session with a therapist been like?

40. Would you use a time traveling machine if given the opportunity?

41. How did you feel about Julie telling her therapist (Lori) that she loves her? Did you like that Lori told her that she loves her too, or did this make you uncomfortable in some way (or both or something else…relax, I know you want to complain about my questions in some way)?

42. Do you sometimes worry too much about the details and miss the big picture? How can you increase the frequency of not missing the big picture?

43. Do you recognize when you are displacing your anger onto the wrong target? How can this be more frequently avoided?

44. Have you been able to accept that everyone lives with things that may not get worked out? When you were younger, were you more prone to view things in terms of a beginning, middle, and some kind of resolution?

45. Do you ever try to push people away due to fear of abandonment? What do you think of the idea that self-sabotage attempts to solve one problem by creating another?

46. Do you struggle to accept that failure is part of being human? Have you been able to learn how to be more forgiving and kinder to yourself? Have you learned how to better communicate with yourself (the person you talk to the most)?

47. Would we more easily be able to escape from the tyranny of black-or-white thinking by more frequently utilizing the word “sometimes”?

48. How do you feel about the process of forming a deep attachment to your therapist who you will one day say goodbye to at the end of treatment?